my week of 'ifs'

if i were stronger
if you had more to give
if she took a left turn
if he were a day earlier
if they didn't judge
if we hadn't run
if it were that simple
if things were different
if life dealt a different hand
if love didn't hurt
if aesthetics weren't valued
if daydreaming were a crime
if the end came too soon

how did we get here

i used to laugh,
fall to my knees and shake with mirth.
we used to cry,
held onto each other like we'd never let go.
and how we ran.
running around playing grown up games, ran headlong into trouble, ran from things deemed unfavorable. we'd run circles around ourselves for amusement.
now there's only one entity i seem to be running from, and it's myself.

i'm in love.
not just in love but in love with a woman.
not just any woman but a china woman.

*gasp

she gives the best head/neck/shoulder massage ever. and when she washes my hair, i get to sit in not just any chair but a massage chair?!! whee!! and she's ever so gentle. i wish my josh were gifted in washing hair too. josh is gifted, rather in other ways...

it's a monday night. we went to wine bar. had 1-for1 lychee martini and a beer and a little green label. i told them only idiots start the week by opening a bottle. did they listen?
obviously yours truly isn't taken seriously after a beer. after a beer and 2 lychee martinis and some green label, they practically ignored my slurring.
just to get me through my dreary day, i've poured some green label into my water bottle for class tomorrow. hur hur..
but i'm not alcoholic.
nope.
not.

staying home for lunch today. mom's cooking fish head curry complete with fried pampodums. i'm not the biggest fan of fish head curry but i'll take a couple of bites for morale support i suppose.

josh quite liked my guacamole(4th attempt). made some for brunch yesterday. my first attempt was a disaster. my guacamole wasn't even a shade of green, it was coral?! i realised it was prolly the result of the 2 unripened avocados i blended in.
my second attempt simply didn't fall through cuz the 2 avocados i set aside to ripen, well i sorta manage to forget about them and flew off to dubai for a week. it upset mom a little when the avocados started oozing some greenish liquid over other veggies in the vegetable drawer. she unceremoniously dumped them into the trash before i could return home to salvage some.
third attempt: a success! like finally right..
mommy and i devoured a bag of nachos with my homemade guacamole while watching ip man(pronounced as eep-mun, not I-P-MAN i don't see the difference) on DVD last week.
it's got my vote. i wanted to write it off as another asian bruce lee flick but it had substantial storyline to pull it off.
hur hur..i'm gonna be damn not shy and share my(or rather it's karol's handed to me) guacamole recipe. easy-peasy. the only challenging part is getting the avocados right, i mean ripe.
Trust me.


Guacamole Recipe
2 avocados(ripe and regular-sized)
1 tomato
1 onion(small-sized big onion)
1 clove garlic
1 lime
salt & pepper

The How To
skin garlic and onion,
throw into blender with tomato, squeeze juice from lime and add salt & pepper to taste.
blend.
throw avocados in(for the benefit of bimbos -i'm not mentioning names here) without its' skin and seed.
blend til smooth.